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11 Best Ted Lasso Quotes

11 Best Ted Lasso Quotes

Spring 2023 will see the return of one of the most popular TV shows of the last couple of years: Ted Lasso. The heartwarming comedy drama series has been a smash hit ever since it first aired on Apple TV+ in August 2020, with global audiences lapping up lead actor Jason Sudeikis' performance as the kind, caring, but slightly hapless coach of a London football (or soccer, to US viewers) team.

As anyone who's watched the show will know, Ted Lasso is packed with pearls of wisdom from the man who gives the programme its name (as well as some crackers from the rest of the cast, which includes actors like Brett Goldstein, Juno Temple, and Hannah Waddingham). In this article, we'll be taking you through some of the best Ted Lasso quotes there are, from the funny to the bizarre, the heartwarming and the inspirational…

We'll start with a few simple gags that pretty much sum up Ted Lasso's light-hearted approach to life. From the training pitch, to the dressing room, and of course the beautiful old pub where Lasso spends many a cosy night, the coach of AFC Richmond seems to be dropping gags and long-winded witticisms on a near hourly basis. So if you enjoy a good dad joke, strap in…

#1. "I haven't seen someone that disappointed to see me since I wore a red baseball cap to a Planned Parenthood fundraiser."

This gag might slip through unnoticed on first watching, but the reference to Donald Trump and his outdated opinions is a great line that lets us all know that Lasso's definitely no fan of America's most orange president…

#2. "Coach Beard's views on romantic relationships are not too dissimilar from his views on cooking steak. You know, you spend any more than five minutes on one — it loses its flavor."

Coach Beard's relationship with Jane Payne is a source of real drama throughout the two season of Ted Lasso that have already aired. This quote highlights what Ted Lasso's right-hand man was like with women before he wound up over in England.


#3. "All right, fellas, you gotta remember, your body is like day-old rice. If it ain't warmed up properly, something real bad could happen."

We've all had that worry about reheating rice the next day… in typical Lasso fashion, this quote takes that everyday reality and somehow crowbars it into a football coaching conversation. Nice.


#4. "We're gonna call this drill 'The Exorcist' 'cause it's all about controlling possession."

This one's not dissimilar from our last quote — another cultural reference that may go over some heads, the Richmond coach's 'Exorcist' line is him at his dad joke best.


Quotes about football…

It's no secret that Ted Lasso doesn't exactly know much about association football, despite the fact that he's brought in as manager of a top flight team – in fact, it's one of the main premises of the show. And while he certainly seems to pick things up along the way, his lack of soccer knowledge is a source of humour throughout the show. Whether it's struggling to get to grips with tactical ideas or not quite being able to pin down the names of top footballing talents, he regularly gives himself away. Here are a few examples of those moments.

#5. "You could fill two internets with what I don't know about football."

No one's arguing with this one… the A.F.C. Richmond manager certainly has plenty of great skills, but tactical knowledge about soccer is not one of his strong points.

#6. "You got Ronaldo and the fellow who bends it like himself." (On David Beckham and his penchant for free-kick taking)

David Beckham and his penchant for free-kick taking might have been a legendary part of the English game over the past couple of decades, but that doesn't mean Ted Lasso knows anything about him! When it comes to pure laughs, we reckon this is one of the best Ted Lasso quotes there is.

#7. "For me, success is not about the wins and losses. It's about helping these young fellas be the best versions of themselves on and off the field."

Maybe that definition of success is why (spoiler alert!) Lasso's team end up getting relegated at the end of his first season in charge… No, but in all seriousness, this holistic, caring approach goes a long way when it comes to getting the players on side and achieving long-term results.

Inspirational Ted Lasso quotes

One of the things that fans of the famous Apple TV+ show love the most is its lead character's ability to see hope in any kind of situation. He could be at his lowest point, but Sudeikis' star always seems to look on the bright side. That's why, to wrap up this article, we've compiled a few of the most inspirational lines he comes out with in the show.

#8. "Taking on a challenge is a lot like riding a horse, isn't it? If you're comfortable while you're doing it, you're probably doing it wrong."

Take it from a man who was plunged into a Premier League relegation battle with no prior football managing experience (yeah, we know it's fictional…) - it can be hard adjusting to the challenges life throws at you, but stepping outside your comfort zone can only ever be a good thing.

#9. "Jamie, I think that you might be so sure that you're one in a million, that sometimes you forget that out there, you're just 1 of 11. And if you just figure out someway to turn that 'me' into 'us'...the sky's the limit for you."

Season 1 of Ted Lasso spends plenty of time exploring the fascinating character of Jamie Tartt, AFC Richmond's egotistical young striker, on loan from Manchester City. This pearl of wisdom from Lasso sums up the problems with Tartt's individual efforts, shining a light on the vital importance of teamwork.

#10. "You're telling me I could shatter every bone in my body, someone could just drop me off in front of any old hospital, dumped into a garbage can or something, and y'all patch me up, and I don't have to pay jack squat? I tell you, I love this country."

Before we wrap up, it's worth paying tribute to the United Kingdom's National Health Service – something Ted Lasso is clearly a big fan of. Long live the NHS.

#11. "I promise you there is something worse out there than being sad, and that's being alone and being sad. Ain't no one in this room alone."

We've chosen to end with a pretty deep one, in the spirit of the show. After all, it can be one hell of a tear jerker at times. But like most lines from Lasso, this final one is all about seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, even in dark times.

So there you have it! 11 of the best Ted Lasso quotes to summarise the spirit of the Apple TV+ programme that's making all the headlines. It's not often that a show about soccer comes along and grabs the hearts and minds of those who aren't normally too interested in the game, but this show certainly seems to have done that. Whether you're attracted to the camaraderie of the Richmond team, the bond between Lasso and his assistant Coach Beard, or the various romantic entanglements that characters like Keeley Jones and Roy Kent find themselves in, there's something in it for everyone. Fans of the show will be excited to have it back this Spring.

Now, this isn't the only article we've got for fans of TV and film that focuses on the world of soccer. If you want to find out more about legends of the game like Diego Maradona and Pele, or proud, historic clubs like Sunderland or Wrexham, you should take a look at our guide to the 10 best soccer documentaries available in 2023. We've got some brand new telly and some older hits on there, guaranteed to excite any big football fanatic. Or, if you're more interested in sticking to the quotes for now, check out our article on 11 inspirational soccer quotes to help boost your career development. There's sure to be something in there that will help kick you into gear and secure your dream job in football.